Introducing Part 4 of the FoulBallz predictions for the 2014-2015 off season, the 2015 season and beyond. The crystal ball has remained filled with new visions and wonders. So far. This fourth and probably final installment of prognostications was taken straight from the bowels of…somewhere in the deep recesses of my baseball deprived (and depraved?) mind…
1) The Milwaukee Brewers organization decides they need to do something no other team has done in an effort to increase attendance. They decide to build a new stadium…IN Lake Michigan. It will be a stadium buoyed by hydraulic stilts, but also capable of floating. It have the longest promenade in the US and a marina, these will be the only two ways to get to the stadium. Free Milwaukee’s Best will be available only on the boardwalk but for the entire all season too….with proof of paid ticket. The name of the new stadium? The city is torn between Old Milwaukee Field and Schlitz Stadium. Heck, I might become a Brewers fan if this really happens. Or not. (This is NOT an endorsement for drinking; Milwaukee just happens to be the beer capital of the U.S.)
2) Boston and the Cubs continue to bicker over the whole “You stole our players and/or managers” thing. You’re grown men, and it is business. Get over it already.
3) Who said micromanaging died with the retirement of Jim Leyland? The crystal ball has shown me that MLB owners will announce they are cutting rosters to 30 men and add a requirement that pitchers are to throw no fewer than two complete games. Combined with the ads on uniforms, the 6- and 7-man rotations, and other “tweaks”, baseball has morphed into something…good or bad is yet to be seen.
4) Having finally had all the kinks nearly worked out of it, the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) strikes the MLB. The league realizes that if they categorize their players as “freelancers”, they no longer have to provide healthcare to them since they are technically not employees. Adding to their argument is the fact were they to drop all insurance for players considered employees, the penalties for not offering the insurance are still, as one anonymous insider will state, “…way less than what it costs to pay for these injury prone buffoons. Besides, most are millionaires and can afford their own care.” The MLBPA does successfully negotiate the retention of the pension system which was closely tied to health insurance. (Anyone else see @Johnny_Bench5 tweet on 11/11/13?)
51) Former Detroit Tiger and current Washington Nationals starting pitcher Doug Fister and several other down-to-earth players will start their own construction company. They win the bid to build the new Brewers park.
55) MLB owners announce two new league-wide promotions. All teams will have drawings for “Manager for a Day” and “GM for a Day”. Unfortunately, the GM for a Day only means you don’t get to make any actual decisions other than what to eat for meals. The manager drawing, however, lets the fan make up the line-up and manage. Regrettably, the fan isn’t allowed to know the signs, and things go poorly when the other team hears, “LAY DOWN A BUNT TOWARD THIRD!” coming from the dugout.
56) Bartolo Colon retires and starts his own perfume company focusing on the niche market of sports fans. Bartolo Cologne is immediately successful among aging middle aged men. The tag line for Bartolo Cologne: You’ll enjoy this whiff (get it? He’s a pitcher; strike outs are whiffs.)