Predictions 11-15: Plausable? Or Deniability?
The crystal ball has remained filled with new visions and wonders. Here is the third installment of prognostications taken straight from the bowels of…somewhere in the deep recesses of my baseball deprived (and depraved?) mind…
11) In a surprise announcement, the Seattle Mariners say they too are moving to Oklahoma City in 2015 since the move seems to have worked for the SuperSonics.
12) The White Sox, desperate for some direction, rehire Ozzy. (It could happen. In interesting personal news: He once told my wife to get the f*ck out of his way when he was trying to get onto an elevator. He sounds like a really nice guy, someone the White Sox would love to have back. I’m sure.)
14) George Bush finally learns that the NSA is tracking all Americans by 3 degrees of separation. Afraid that trade secrets will be revealed and fearing invasion of privacy Bush orders that all computers in the Rangers’ front office be destroyed and no cell phones or other electronic devices are allowed into the stadium or offices. Productivity and creativity in the franchise increase exponentially once Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are taken out of the picture. Ray Davis wonders how he got fooled into letting George do this, but doesn’t argue with the results.
15) Mariano Rivera joins Metallica on stage for a rendition of Enter Sandman. It bombs when Rivera realizes there’s more to the song that what was played whenever he entered the game.