Predictions 26-30: Good ideas. Maybe.
The future remains bright for nearly all teams and I’m absolutely positive that some of the crystal ball’s visions might possibly maybe come true…
26) The Washington Nationals announce firing of two of the Racing Presidents mascots due to debt issues. Congress immediately convenes and raises the debt ceiling in order to have money to fund, through government subsidies, the extra two presidents.
27) Longing for 1985 glory, the Kansas City Royals make a bold move and use little known “Stop Loss” orders in player contacts from that era to reactivate retired players in their quest for a return to glory. They realize too late that they’ve re-activated the 1985 St. Louis Cardinals team.
28) Late in the season, the Marlins follow the Mariners’ lead and announce that they will be moving to Oklahoma City too. The team will be known as “The Sooners-or-Laters” (Though winning the public vote, “The Oklahoma City Bombers” name was nixed from contention, for obvious reasons).
29) Arizona Diamondbacks front office realizes that their abbreviated name sounds a bit too much like “D-bags” and change the team’s name to the Arizona Scorpions, which ends up in a lawsuit being filed against them by the group The Scorpions for copyright infringement. The band says they plan to rock them like a hurricane in court. What a bunch of d-bags.
30) Given the recent controversy with respect to the BBWAA voting process, this seems appropriately timely: In a surprise move Cooperstown announces a new wing will be added to the Hall of Fame by the 2015 season. It will be named “*Hall of Fame” (as in “ASTERISK” Hall of Fame) and be solely for dimwits who didn’t think about what they were doing but are still good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. The first inductee class is Barry Bonds, A-Rod and Pete Rose.