Prognostications 31-35: Is it the 2014 Season Yet?!?
31) A new superstition fad sweeps through the legions of MLB pitchers. Nearly all pitchers start wearing contacts that make their eyes two different colors in order to emulate Max Scherzer. (It could happen.)
32) Taking a cue from the NHL, MLB begins implementing a new points system for standings to start the 2016 season. Teams will get 2 points for a win, 0 for a loss and 1 for an extra innings loss. They add that if a game remains tied after 3 extra innings, there is to be a sudden death home run derby. Cubs further rejoice in signing Benoit as the rule change plays right into their diabolical plans.
33) Realizing that starting pitchers are getting robbed of much deserved wins by horrible bullpens, Selig, in one of his final moves as commissioner, creates a “Technical Win” category in which the probability of a win by the starting pitcher is calculated based on what the “relief” pitchers do…or don’t do.
34) Thinking they have a better reality show concept than “The Franchise” (how bad can it be? It had Ozzie for a season!) and VH1s “Baseball Wives”, a group of classy baseball wives (and girlfriends) pitches a show about their charitable work, their families and general down-to-earth lives and interactions and the challenges of moving, raising kids and so on in that environment to Spike (because it’s TV for men). It will be called “A League of Our Own”. For multiple obvious reasons, Spike cancels Auction Hunters in order to air the new show. (IF this actually happens, I want money for the idea!)
35) Finally addressing criticisms about calling it “The World Series,” MLB announces a quota system to ensure all teams have at least one player from each continent and have no fewer than 10 nations represented. The Cuban embargo is reinstated.